Tuesday, November 22, 2005.
I will smile.. No matter how dark days may be. Look on the bright side my head tells me.. and that i shall do.. once again..
thing were thought to be almost settled.. and for once.. I would be able to live my life..happily as who i m.. it seemed as if the sun was out to shine again.. then.. without the slightest of signs..dark clouds came.. and hoovered above me.. there was lightning and thunder.. it all sounded and looked so familiar.. but this time.. i brought an umbrella.. to shelter me from the rain.. then lightning struck me.. it left me stranded without and protection.. so here i m now.. back to square one.. when i thought i had been prepared for this..
naked facing the elements.. im left again..to find shelter.. and protection.. where do i go? who do i turn to? there arent any directions for me to follow.. no markers..no signs.. i have to decide..
decision are to be made again... decisions that would do or break.. how can i make decisions..when im unsure of myself? Being naked out with the elements..having no form of protection.. if i were to set foot on a path that would lead to another huge storm.. i may sink in it.. Life is about aking chances..but this journey in life..is my second and most probably..the last.. if i sink..i may get stuck in it.. time is ticking..
While i stand alone in the midst of the storm.. on my back lay responsibilities.. to be the pride of the family..whose hopes are set high.. to reach my own goals..which are not set any lower.. furthermore.. for most parts of my journey.. i have been travelling alone..until recently..when i opened the doors to my journey with someone..
it may have been too much.. for that someone..and for me.. while the heart says one..the mind says another.. which shall i follow? When i decide on one.. the other seems to be to huge a comment to ignore.. things were never this way.. the heart and the mind was always one.. now they're divided with their opinions..
that particular someone isnt alone.. there is another whom she may yearn for too.. what m i to say? how m i to react? should i present my trust? or should i be more humane by expressing zelotypia? would i end up as a jeu d'esprit?
where shall i head to? hints are pointing me to one.. someone showed me another.. my heart pushes me to one more.. while my mind begs me to stay put.. what happened to the goals i had set? what happened to the dreams i held dear? did i lose them all while i set out to live?
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I shot an arrow into the air,
It fell to earch, I knew not where,
For so swiftly it flew, the sight;
Could not follow in its flight.
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The night has a thousand eyes,
And the day but one;
Yet the light of the bright world dies
With the dying sun.
The mind has a thousand eyes,
And the heart but one;
Yet the light of the whole life dies
When love is done.
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Living is about choosing the path.. whether right or not.. you will have to take it.. but what if.. you could never come back..if you had chosen the wrong path? mistakenly thought it was the one.. only to realise you've been fooled all along? It concerns a heart and a life.. what am i to do?
Standing put is something i will not do.. it'll only make things worse.. i'll think it through.. and start on my journey again.. shall gather the courage and determintaion left.. to push.. to reach.. and of course.. to succeed.
~~Quietly.. the Angel sall return to its former glory~~
