Saturday, October 15, 2005.
these few days has been rather.. 'tough'.. its the holidays.. i m supposed to be resting or enjoying myself.. supposed to..
i seriously feel like crying. i havent done it for sometime..maybe thats why my ehad is gng haywire? too much tears and i have to let them all out? ya rite..k.. lets start..im not gng to name anyone here.. so..no assumptions please..
it all started with.. my schoolmates. best part of the whole thing.. they've just proved to me that malays (i m a malay..and it hurts to say this)... can be seriously dumb sometimes. no wonder they seldom make it big when doing business... they cant do simple math. we've been planning a raya outing for the whole course..well..we refers to my class. and we planned to rent an MPV or a van.. as we have 20 over houses to visit..and public transport will cost a bomb..furthermore.. having ur own vehicle saves time..and energy... u wont be that tired.. now here is the best part..they claim..that public transport is cheaper.. now..20 over people..all scattered aroun Singapore.. from Serangoon to Clementi..it costs $1.50. now.. from Celenti to Woodands.. mrt..maybe.. $1.20 maybe more.. then u have to change to a bus.. imagine having to do that for most houses.. u'll overshoot $20 within the first day. now.. u give me $10.. i get a van.. for TWO DAYS. isnt that much more worthwhile? one idiot can even tell me.. "its an investment.." u go to 20 houses..assuming that each house gives u $2 (min sum nowdays).. u have $40. u spend $20 on public transport.. u get only $20.. that means.. ur 'profit' is 100%. u spent $10 on a van.. (everyone share..and ill pay for petrol).. u get $30.. thats a 300% 'profit'.. WHAT FUCK INVESTMENT?! its not that im being calculative..im under bus pass..why the fuck should i worry? im worrying for the classmates of mine.. who may be/are short of cash. $10 can mean 1 week of food.. why cant these idiots not think of hemselves and just thinkof others for once? they say its ramadhan..yet they're doing this.. God save these idiots. my classmates got so worked up (cos the rest started to insult OUR class..not gng to say wad).. so we decided to 'play along'. fuck lah. so im gng to have a 'pool' of money. for MY class only. if anyone needs cash for transport..use that money..don't need to rreturn. simple.
now cos someone rather familiar. She confessed that she liked me.. or..i forced it out of her rather.. and then..she started thinking too much..to her..it was different..to me.. i tot nth of it.. then we had a 'quarrel'..its over already and things r supposedlyfine.. but i dunno why..it irritated me alot.
then came another familiar face.. i just hate it how she would hurt me so badly..and FORGET wad she did. but here comes the best part.. cos she 'forgot' wad she did.. she thinks she DID NOT do anything. and make it seem as if it was MY fault. fuck lah. if its my fault.. i will open my mouth and apologise.. im too lazy to fight for myself if i know i did wrong. no use. she was sarcastic n rude to me. and it wasnt the joking rude..it was really rude. why m i so nice to her despite everything? she is nice..sometimes..but when she's bad..she's super bad.. like the night before.. how i got scolded..she wanted smth.. i searched like a mad idiot for it.. found it..and she was lazy..then she got irritated.. andscolded me.. best part.. when i push her.. im in the wrong.. cosi push her.. when i dont push her.. im wrong too..cos im supposed to push her..WHAT THE FUCK?! and she did not even apologise.. i cant recall the last time she apologised.. nowdays..she always thinks she's right. its hurting..but i dunno why i cant bring myself to leave her.. or even better..give her one of my nuclear bombs. fucking soft shit.. she's taking advantage of me.. i dunno if she knows it or not..but she is..and it is getting on my nerves..
its my godma's 100th day death anniversary..dreamt of her a few nights back..i was driving her..i talked to her..but she didnt reply.. but the funny thing was..she ha this super bright aura around her..scary.. i miss her..and its making me wanna cry even more..but one problem.. i cant just go up to anyone of my friends and just cry right? wouldn't it be funny? i dunno.. used to consoling people maybe? haiz..
wad is happenking/..i'd rather be i nschool..at least i'll be concentrating on my schoolwork.. unlike now.. i havent got anything to do..too free..i dun wanna work cos i wanna celebrate hari raya.. so..now im stuck at home evryday...bored like fuck..and allowing my mind to run freely...maybe i m thinking too much..but still..haiz.. i need to cry.
~~where r u?~~
