Tuesday, August 09, 2005.
i didnt understand what it meant until i read it again.. no wonder there was the sudden difference..
why am i feeling like this? cos once again.. its deserted. hoped for something...ended with entirely nothing.. damn.. how la... im sick..and im not feeling good.. this isnt helping my health!!!!
i want to talk to someone.. to have someone to talk to.. it cant just be anyone..it has to be someone whom i can trust..and be comfortable with..knowing he or she is trustworthy.. will not judge..and most importantly.. wont fuck around with my words.. i used to have that person..but well..things obviously went haywire.. like everything else in my life right now..
i need to wake up again..yes AGAIN.. this bloody shitty thing has been going round a very large circle for years.. and its really frustrating me.. making me stuck.. but then.. i dunno how to befriend someone.. well.. i used to put on a mask..a facade.. to show the whole world..and only a certain few would be able to see the other side of me.. now.. i just dont bother doing that.. i just show it to people..but what happens? everyone runs away.. that weird..scary..
B.. i used to talk to him..but i realised he's been spilling everything i say to him to practically everyone he meets.. got very pissed off..so he's out..
D.. thought i could still talk..but i guess not.. i know why already.. and D was my last hope.. how encouraging..
N.. now..here's someone i thought i could click with.. well..thats the problem.. i THOUGHT wrong..
M.. she's nice.. but she tend to stray away from the conversation.. s.. i can usually talk to her.. end up getting more pek chek instead..
W.. doesnt seem to have the time..
K.. always damn quiet like talking to a wall..
Y.. dun ask pls.. its a chore to just ask him to tok to me...
who else?? nobody la.. knn.. hahh.wad a life i tell you.. like my sec sch friends used to say..bang ur balls onto the wall man.. haha.. dont tell me bout my parents.. long sotry..not for my bloggy..
so what m i gng to do? now that i've realised i've a fucking sad life and situation? i can..
a) pity myself and continue being like this
b) find someone to tok to
c) wake up and fucking life my life
d) go kill myself
e) be alone
a is out for sure.. b is a considerable option.. c is one i've been trying to do.. d is out of the equation.. e is another considerable option.. d,c,e.. someone..choose one for me..
blehz.. im coughing out blood.. smth seems wrong.. fuck la..irritating me.. what is wrong... why m i like this? why did i ever allow myself o go into something this bad? WHY RIDZUAN WHY?! fucking idiot.. wake up. time to go. im gng off now. gng for the fucking parade.. cos someone wants the bloody goodie bag.. and i have to go and get it..wad fuck luck..,aybe ill get lucky later and maybe ill feel better..hopefully ill just do feel better.... fuck la.. i need to feel better..
~~save me..someone..~~
ANgel needs help.. someone strong enuff to tell him straight in da face..but at the same time..do it nicely.. hu can do it?
