Saturday, August 13, 2005.
Butterflies cone and go when i step foot out of the house everyday.. hmm.. first it happened when i was out yesterday.. then today..while i was at the bus stop..from nowhere.. a butterfly came and kept hovering around me.. it has a meaning but im not sure what.. a friend told me smth about these stuff.. got me kinda freaked out.. considering the state of health im in right now.. but then again.. its just a butterfly right? what can it do? then again.. there are always signs to look out for before smth happens to u.. i shall keep my fingers crossed.. if it happens again for 2 more days.. then i might consider doing smth about it..
health isn't the nicest topic nowdays i guess..everyone is falling sick.. i met a doctor and when i heard what he had to tell me.. i was petrified.. in the words of my secondary school friends.. "Balls drop".. i wished i had not been in this situation.. but now..i've got to face it.. just when i thought i could get on with my life.. things have to turn for the worse.. im really starting to wonder what else God has in mind for me.. when something bad happens.. i tel lmyself..it can't get any worse.. the very next moment it all turns to be even worse.. and when i totally dont think about it at all.. things become hell worse.. what am i supposed to do now? i haven't any idea.. first thought that came into my mind when i was told of my 'condition'.. just continue with what you had set out to do.. try to realise my dream before anything really bad were to happen.. i would love to do that.. but.. its been on my mind the whole day.. only my do and me knows about it.. i told someone else..but she chooses to think that i'm lying.. i cant just tell anyone bout this.. cos.. i just cant.. it'll be awkward..
played soccer today.. got quite tired.. maybe cos im sick.. so.. i didnt run alot..just stayed at the defence area.. almost scored twice though..haha..but got no power.. got rather frustrated..so i just played back..quite fun do... did a few tricks around the opponent team.. my friends got quite suprised..haha..so unlike me to show off da skills.. usually.. all i'll do is..get the ball..dribble alittle..then ill either pass to someone else..or take a shot myself.. today..its all bout showing my little tricks..hehe.. fun.. more personal satisfaction..better than scoring i guess..haha
i dont feel like staying home tonight.. i wanna be out.. sitting down somewhere breezy..with a friend preferably.. but thats the problem.. everyone seems busy.. yes i can go alone..which i would do if i could.. i dont even trust myself.. feeling funny.. what if i faint? haha fall down the sea..then people think its a bloody suicide.. what a way to bloody die.. so..thats why i want someone to be around. .cant stand it at home and at my godparents' place cos its damn noisy.. giving me a bad headache.. and also cos of a certain somebody who would tend to get on my nerves sometimes.. i may just blow up..haha.. cant..
what am i to do now? stay home..or maybe at most go downstairs and sit at the playground with the bloody mats who have nothing better to do? then the whole malay kampung will start to asscociate me with them..haha..what the hell..
am chatting with my aunt now.. haha my aunt is a year elder tha nme and she's in my school..same year..but different course..dont ask.. so.. i shall end my entry here... for now.. eyes feeling hot..think im runnning a temperature.. so.. thats it for tonight.. muacks n hugz
~~Time is smth all should treasure.. it is smth we do not have~~
